Arms of Another
by HailToTheRedskins
Summary: Post Endgame. J/P, J/C. Unwilling to betray Seven, Janeway fights her feelings for Chakotay. Meanwhile, Tom's marriage is in shambles as he comes to realize he is not so different from his Captain.
1. Chapter 1

**Story #2 - I'm going to try the whole "chapter" idea. Let me know what you think!**

She was promoted to admiral before Voyager had even docked.

She, of course, had no idea, but it could not have been further from her mind. She had done it – to hell with the Temporal Prime Directive - she had gotten them home.

It had all happened so fast, so unexpectedly, that much of the crew's family hadn't had time to get to the ceremony. Nonetheless, San Francisco Bay was alive with hundreds of thousands of people, and the evening sky was filled with fireworks.

Chakotay took her by the hand as she rose from her chair, following the rush of people as they exited the bridge. He linked his arm through hers, walking towards the door, before she hesitated.

"Take Seven with you, I need to get reports out of my ready room."

He doubted her momentarily, turning toward her as she dropped his arm, but his desire to go to Seven was overwhelming.

"Take your time, Kathryn. We'll be here when you are done." He didn't look back as he walked through the double doors.

Janeway immediately retreated into her ready room, almost running to the chair behind her desk. She hadn't expected the return to Earth to be so sudden; she was expecting to have time to prepare herself before it all happened.

She immediately lost control, as her eyes were flooded with tears, threatening to break. Her emotions were overwhelming – she had succeeded in so many ways, but she couldn't help feeling like she was leaving her home and family behind. She had come to rely on Tuvok, Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry so much, that she couldn't help but feel like they were being torn away from her. And Seven - she had all but raised her. She had helped her find her collective on Voyager.

Then there was Chakotay. When she imagined their return to Earth, she hadn't expected he would be leaving her behind in the arms of another woman. Certainly not those of Seven of Nine. She hadn't allowed the insinuations of a budding relationship between her first officer and the resident Borg to bother her - she had all but assumed it was another one of Tom Paris' jokes.

But as they exited the bridge together, only moments before, Chakotay had looked at Seven of Nine in a way that Janeway was very familiar with. It had been the same way he had looked at her for the past seven years.

After they had returned from New Earth, she had set strict parameters for their relationship. They could be friends, even close friends, but nothing about that could change. At least not until they got home.

But home was a rather relative thing to Janeway now. She was at home in her ready room, or on the bridge, avoiding the Borg or the occasional Hirogen. Home was not press conferences and photo ops.

As if to accent that thought, her computer chirped, and Admiral Paris' face appeared on the screen.

"Katie Janeway, there are literally thousands of people waiting outside for you. We can take care of logistics later. Please come on out. Plus, you need to meet my granddaughter. And your godchild," Paris said.

"Yes, sir," Janeway replied. "Just let me finish up some quick reports and…"

"Captain, until anything is made official, I still out rank you. Don't make me order you to leave your ready room," the Admiral threatened.

"Made official?" She asked.

"We'll talk about it during the debriefings. You didn't expect we would just give you a pat on the pack for manhandling the Borg, did you?" Paris said, smiling. "I'm glad you're home, Captain. Paris out."

The screen went blank, and Janeway walked out of her ready room for possibly the last time.

- - -

She stood in the doorway, momentarily pausing to take it all in. There were people literally as far as she could see in every direction. The security teams had cleared a path for her, but the moment she was spotted, the paths dissolved as everyone pushed inward for a look at the infamous captain.

In the back of her mind, the crowd erupted into cheers, but it was all hazy and muted, as if she were under water. She looked for him, or a sign of Seven, but instead her gaze landed on B'Elanna and the newborn. She waved to the crowd, before a-lining it to the Paris'.

"Not big on crowds, huh Captain?" Tom joked, aware of Janeway's aloofness.

"I'm just glad to be home, that's all," she said distractedly, still scanning for Chakotay.

"This is all a little strange," B'Elanna said, "it doesn't really feel like we're home yet. I had prepared myself to raise Miral in space." She was equally aloof as she adjusted the baby hooked in her arm. She was fair skinned, like Tom, but had dark hair and slight forehead ridges like her mother. She was exotically beautiful.

"She's beautiful," Janeway said, echoing her thoughts, as she stood on her toes to see over the crowd.

"Looking for someone?" Paris asked.

"Well actually I was looking for…"

"Kathryn Janeway! I thought I would never…" Admiral Paris burst through the crowd, hesitating when he saw his son. "Tom, I…"

The two men stared at each other, as if they were strangers.

"Welcome home, son," the Admiral finally said, pulling Tom to him in an awkward, yet emotional, embrace.

Janeway used the family reunion as a chance to escape to finish her search. Maroon uniforms were everywhere, and it did not help that she was constantly interrupted by hounding reporters and adoring fans.

She had just spotted Seven, surrounded by a group of frightened, yet fascinated journalists, when Admiral Paris returned.

"Captain, why don't we get out of here? I'm taking Tom, B'Elanna, and my grandchild back to my house for dinner. I would be honored if you would join us."

Never from her rise from a cadet to a captain had Janeway seen the Admiral so ecstatic. Something in him truly and honestly responded to the word "grandchild."

Unable to refuse, Janeway followed the Paris' to the transporter, hoping to find Chakotay later.

- - -

"I'll have to send a message to my mother as soon as I get the chance. How is she, Admiral? I'm surprised she's not here," Janeway said, somewhat distracted by the Paris' beautiful home. She had not been inside it for almost 20 years.

"Tom, B'Elanna, why don't you go introduce Miral to her grandmother, I need to speak with the Captain for a moment," Admiral Paris said, without the cheer that had been president in his voice all evening. He placed his hand over her shoulders, steering her away from the rest of his family. "Kathryn, I'm not quite sure how to tell you this, but your mother… Well… your mother passed on almost three months ago."

"She what?" She paused, trying to read the Admiral's face. "Why wasn't I notified? Why wasn't I…" Her voice, rising steadily, eventually cracked, as she choked back the tears threatening for the second time that evening. "Admiral, I was receiving letters from her! She seemed happy and healthy! She never mentioned…"

"Katie, I'm so sorry. It was all very sudden. She was dead a month after she was diagnosed. Phoebe had to sell the house to pay for the medical bills after it was all over. It has been a rough couple of months. I've been doing everything I can…" He paused. "But you once again have defied the impossible and returned home. Let's celebrate, we can mourn later."

Janeway nodded slightly, but the slight movement forced the tears in her eyes to fall.

"I don't want to ruin Tom and B'Elanna's homecoming." She asked to excuse herself and headed to the bathroom in order to clean up.

The second the door was shut, she hit her combadge, silently rejoicing in the familiar "chirp."

"Janeway to Chakotay."

When he responded, he sounded relieved. "Captain, where did you head off to? I was hoping we could all spend the night together before we transported off across the world. But I guess you beat me to it."

"Chakotay…" she sighed, her voice heavy with emotion.

"What is it, Kathryn? Is everything alright? Are you ok?" he said, his voice thick with concern.

"Oh, Chakotay. My mother is dead"

"What? How? Where are you? I'm coming…" he stammered.

"Admiral Paris invited Tom, B'Elanna, and myself to dinner. I'm not sure I can stand it." She made no effort to hide her feelings. It was no use anyway – Chakotay could read her like a book.

"Well Seven's aunt has invited us to stay with her. Would you like to join us? It would certainly be a distraction," he said.

Janeway hesitated, fighting back the instinctual "yes" to join him. But the constant reminder of the loss of the man she loved, on top of the loss of her mother, would certainly send her over the edge.

"No, Chakotay. I promised the Admiral. I should not just run off when he's been so kind. Can I see you tomorrow?" she asked.

"It's a date," he said, happily.

Janeway cringed. "Thank you, Chakotay. That means a lot."

"Don't forget I'm always here if you need me. I'm only a combadge away. Chakotay out."

The transmission ended as she heard a soft tapping on the door.

"Captain? Dinner is ready when you are." It was Tom.

She opened the door, starring at her young pilot, who was painfully uncomfortable with the whole idea.

"It never gets any easier," he said, placing his hand on her shoulder. He smiled momentarily before saying, "You won't believe what my father has cooked for us. I forgot what real food smelled like. One too many helpings of Neelix's leola root stew."

She chuckled softly to herself, patting Tom's hand, still on her shoulder.

"Let's eat."

- - -

The Admiral had insisted Janeway stay in their guest room until she could get her own living arrangements figured out.

As typical, the Captain was plagued by insomnia, a fact not helped by the newborn that had just fallen asleep after screaming for two hours. Less than a day old, it was obvious that she would have her mother's temper.

Janeway sat on the couch in the living room, drinking coffee and weeping softly to herself. For the first time that day, she was given a moment to properly mourn.

Unaware of how much time had passed, she was awoken from her revelry by the squeaking of Tom's bedroom door.

"I had a feeling I'd find you here," Tom said, his voice soft with sleep.

"Once an insomniac, always an insomniac," she said, smiling up to him as he hovered over the couch. She quickly turned away, to wipe her eyes before patting the cushion next to her, indicating he should join her.

"So what keeps you up this late?" she asked, sipping from her coffee.

"Just thinking a little too much. I'm worried about the baby. About B'Elanna. It's all just a little stressful," he said. "You?"

"It's too still around here. And now that she's asleep, it's too quiet. I can't remember life without a warp core." She said, staring into her cup.

"You know," Tom said, "I wanted to raise my daughter on Voyager. I'm not prepared for all of this, to be honest. And B'Elanna doesn't want to be here. I forgot our mutual hatred for Starfleet protocol is what brought us together." He paused, quickly adding, "No offense, Captain."

She smiled, without turning to face him. "I'm ready for it to stop hurting, Tom. I have this terrible, irrational feeling that being here, away from Voyager, without my mother, that I just lost my family. I should be feeling completely and utterly rejoiced right now. But I had nothing to come home to, after all."

"I'm sorry about your mother. She was a wonderful woman." He turned to face her, leaning his back against the arm of the couch, and folding his legs under him. "Have you made arrangements yet? I'd love to help. It's the least I could do after all of this." He placed his hand on her arm, watching as tears once again threatened in her eyes. He rubbed her arm in soft circles with his thumb. "I know we've never been close, Captain – well at least not like you and the Commander – but I'm here right now."

He seemed unsure of himself. Tom never dealt well with emotion. And it certainly threw him off to see the strongest person he knew breaking down.

"That means a lot, Tom. I never thought when I dragged you out of jail seven years ago, that I would come to rely on you so much," she said, chuckling softly.

He smiled. "Way to ruin a moment, Captain. Here I am trying to be a good guy, and you have to bring that up." He patted her shoulder to show that he meant no hard feelings.

And she hugged him.

- - -

Sometime, in the middle of the night, they both had drifted off. Janeway awoke to the sounds of a man coughing.

"Good morning, Katie, Tom. I hope you slept well," Admiral Paris said, as she regained her senses. She read it on the Admiral's face before she was fully aware. Tom's arm lay across her shoulder, and her back was flesh against his stomach. She had fallen asleep spooning with Tom Paris.

"Oh dammit," she swore, under her breath. There was nothing more embarrassing than the Admiral thinking she was some sort of an adulteress, especially when there was nothing further from the truth.

"Before you start to think otherwise, it is not what you are thinking," she quickly said, blushing at the ridiculousness of the situation. "We both couldn't sleep, and I came out here and Tom…"

Admiral Paris laughed heartily, interrupting her hurried speech.

"I've all but raised you, Captain. I assure you, I know you to be a deeply loyal and trusting person. I know you merely fell asleep." He laughed, enjoying the awkward moment. "However, if you would like to continue explaining why I caught you in the arms of my married son, please do so. It was rather entertaining"

She swore again, unaccustomed to this side of Admiral Paris.

Adding insult to injury, B'Elanna entered into the kitchen as the Admiral spoke, noticeably confused.

"I certainly hope I walked in on the wrong part of that conversation," B'Elanna said, eyeing the Captain wearily. After spending seven years with this woman, she was aware when the Captain was feeling guilty.

"Speaking of my husband," she said, "Where has he gone? It's about time he starts being a father to our child," she said, overly harshly.

As B'Elanna left to wake Tom from the couch, Admiral Paris turned to tease Janeway.

"Apparently Klingons are not morning people," he said, raising his eyebrows in jest.

"Especially not when the think I'm sleeping with their husband," she quickly said, sarcastically and under her breath.

"Katie, if I never get the chance to say it, I've really missed you."

- - -


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2, FINALLY. I'll be sure to update again quickly since this one is kind of short. Let me know what you think!**

**- - - **

After spending the morning avoiding Tom and B'Elanna, Janeway finally escaped to Chakotay.

She half expected him to bring Seven, but at the same time, she knew Chakotay understood her need for privacy.

"When would you like to have the funeral?" he asked, unsure of her emotional stability.

"Soon. I want it all over and done with. I want to help Phoebe get back on her feet. It isn't fair that she's had to front the cost for all the medical bills," Janeway said.

"You know, I have seven years worth of a paycheck headed my way, so if you ever…" she cut him off mid sentence.

"Don't, Chakotay. I don't need your help, and I don't need your sympathy." She paused. "Let's talk about something else. How are things with you and Seven?"

Janeway, never one to beat around the bush, struck directly at the reason why she wanted to meet with her first officer.

"I guess news travels fast," he said, blushing. "Kathryn, I hope you know I didn't plan this. It just, well, happened. I can't help my feelings."

"I know, I understand," she said, giving him her best impression of a smile.

Chakotay glanced at the floor, pausing for what seemed like an eternity.

"I think I want to ask her to marry me," he said, raising his eyes to meet hers.

Janeway did her best to remain straight faced, while inwardly she fought the urge to throw up. Since when had she become so driven by emotion?

"But I need to check something first…I need… I need to know…" Chakotay stuttered.

"You need to know what? That you have my blessing?" she responded, not intending to sound as bitter as she did.

"No," he said, "I need to know that I'll never be with you."

Completely taken aback, Janeway fought the sharp response she had prepared. This was exactly what she wanted to hear, and at the same time, completely disgusting to her.

"Chakotay, I have always known you to be infinitely loyal and trusting. Why would you ever ask me anything like that? How could you do that to Seven?" Janeway honestly wondered why he chose this moment to bring up such a question.

"It's not fair to ask for her hand when I'm in love with some else…" he said, trailing off.

"Chakotay, don't do this now," she responded.

"No, Kathryn, let me finish. You know I love you. And you know I have loved you for some time. You told me on Voyager that we couldn't be together, and I respected you for that. But now we're home, and there is nothing stopping you from being with me. If your feelings have changed, if you don't want me anymore, let me know – and I'll be out of your life forever," he said, the words strained.

Janeway, realizing what was before her, hesitated before responding.

In that brief moment, Chakotay reasoned this hesitation to be a declaration of love.

Before she could protest, he leaned across the table, took her face in his hands, and kissed her.

When he parted his lips from hers, Janeway could feel his hot breath on her face.

"Not here, Chakotay. Not now," she whispered, confused as to whether she should be angry or excited.

"Why not? It has been seven years. I deserve to know," he said, angrily pulling away.

"Because I need to figure some things out. I need to get my mother buried," she said, guilting him into holding off on his pursuit.

"Fine, Kathryn. But you should know that I'm not giving up. Not after all we've been through," he said.

"Then you need to let Seven know. It is cruel what you are doing to her. I really think you need to take a good look in the mirror, and see if it's worth breaking her heart over some irrational feelings for me," Janeway said, once again disgusted by the triangle she had suddenly and irrevocably entered into.

"Irrational? I would die for you, Kathryn. I have made my feelings very clear to you," he said, taken aback by her comment.

"Then let Seven know! How dare you use her simply as an intermediary! She is fragile Chakotay, and I'm frankly disgusted that – "

"I'm not using her," he interrupted, "I genuinely care for her. But she isn't you, Kathryn…" he trailed off.

By now their scuffle had begun to attract attention, and as soon as the public realized them to be the captain and commander of Voyager, the conversation was over.

"I'm leaving, Chakotay, before this turns into a mad house" she said. "I'll see you at the funeral, if you chose to be there."

"Kathryn, you know I would never…"

But she was already gone.

- - -

Back at the Paris', B'Elanna was taking a nap while Tom watched the baby.

"You have perfect timing," Tom said, "Miral just fell asleep," showing her the sleeping baby in his arms.

As Janeway walked into the kitchen, Tom noticed the air of melancholy that followed her around the room. He laid Miral in her crib, and followed her.

"Ok, Captain, what's up," he asked, as if she were hiding some big secret.

"Nothing really, Tom. Chakotay was just a little difficult at lunch. And on top of all the debriefings and my mother dying, I'm just a little tired," she responded.

"You have the right to be. I'd be pretty damned tired after captaining a ship for seven years, lost in the middle of the Delta quadrant. I'm going to grab some food, and veg out on the couch – you should join me," Tom said.

"That sounds absolutely delightful. Let me replicate some coffee and I'll be right out," she said.

"You know, if you aren't careful, that stuff will kill you," he said, sitting down on the couch and motioning her to join him.

"Tom, you forget you are talking to the woman that asked to be assimilated," she said, smirking.

He laughed loudly, before catching himself, gesturing to the room were Miral was asleep.

"You know, you're pretty funny, Captain. I never really noticed it that much when we were on Voyager. You were always very serious and driven."

Janeway smiled half heartedly; her run in with Chakotay was still in the back of her mind.

Tom paused, and looked her in the face before saying, "Permission to speak freely, ma'am?"

"Of course, Tom," she responded.

"Ok good, because what the hell did Chakotay say to you? You were positively giddy this morning – so it can't just be your mother. So spill it," he said.

"Tom, the only reason I was giddy was because your father embarrassed me over our accidental sleeping arrangements," she said, holding back a smile.

"Accidental, Captain? Here I've been thinking all day that you were putting some moves on me," he said, laughing.

"Oh, please Tom, I'm old enough to be your mother."

"I guess that just makes you a cougar!" he said, laughing harder.

"A what?" Janeway asked, completely taken aback by such a term.

"It's an old 21st century term that means…well…" Tom stuttered, unsure how to proceed.

"Now I'm insulted, Tom!" she said, jokingly, punching him lightly on the shoulder.

"Ow!" he screamed in mock-agony, "I can't move my shoulder!"

Tom then returned the favor, hitting Janeway lightly.

"Ow!" she responding, now laughing, "you just hit a starship Captain!" she said, trying to make a serious face, among all the laughter.

Her acting ability caught Tom off guard, and he reached over and starting rubbing the spot where he hit her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," he said. "Come here. I guess I don't know my own strength," he laughed, kissing his bicep before resuming rubbing her shoulders.

"Mhmm. Normally I would tell you to stop, but I'm just going to pretend I'm not your captain for five minutes. This is too good to pass up," she said, laughing.

"You know, Captain, there was a time when I would have killed for you to let me touch you like this."

"What? Tom, what are you talking about?"

Tom laughed, more out of his own offense than anything else.

"You remember when we first met? In this house," he asked.

"Of course, Tom. You were just a boy. I don't think you were even in the Academy yet," she responded.

"No, I was…It was my second year, I think. And you had been freshly promoted to lieutenant. My father had invited you over for a celebratory dinner."

Janeway nodded along with Tom as he continued to massage her shoulders.

"And if I remember correctly," she said, "You walked in right in the middle of dinner as drunk as can be," she said, laughing.

"Yeah, I wasn't allowed to leave the house for a week. But I was ok with that, because I got to spend time with you and Dad. And God, were you beautiful."

Janeway felt herself blush.

"Oh, Tom. I never knew. I always thought you hated me for taking up so much of your father's time."

"Oh, I did," Tom said, laughing. "But that didn't mean I wasn't madly in love with you. I mean, you really were beautiful." He paused. "And you still are."

Janeway gentled shrugged his hands off her shoulders and stood up from the couch.

"I'm sorry, Captain. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I was just reminiscing. I'm happily married man, and you know that," he said, smiling.

"Oh it is quite alright, Tom. I was just thinking of all the reports I need to catch up on. I'll see you later."

She smiled before leaving the room. As she left, the door to Tom's bedroom opened, and B'Elanna walked out.

"What was that little stunt about?" she asked, obviously upset.

"What do you mean, B'Elanna?"

"You shouldn't go around telling other women they are beautiful, Tom. I thought this playboy faze was over. I don't know what has gotten into you since we've gotten back to Earth, but it is rather irritating."

"B'Elanna," Tom begged, "I was just talking about something that happened when we were kids, there is no need to overreact."

"Overreact?!" she said, heatedly, "I don't think its right that you would say that to anyone, regardless. Especially not to Janeway."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he responded, matching her tone.

"You know what I mean, Tom," she said, before leaving the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, this is a little rushed, but I really felt like I needed to get another chapter out. Reviews are greatly appreciated, as always, and if you have any suggestions, those are always good too! There are several big changes happening soon...so get ready!**

- - -

It was not until Gretchen Janeway's funeral that things began to settle down at the Paris'. Tom and B'Elanna were barely speaking, and as a result, Janeway had become accustomed to looking after Miral while her parents avoided one another.

"B'Elanna, I really hate for such a beautiful little girl to have to wear black," Janeway said, as she helped to dress the baby for the funeral. "I'm sure it would be a great relief to a lot of people, including my mother, if she were to show up in pink like a normal baby girl. She's too young to known sadness."

"It is merely out of respect, Captain. It is what is right," B'Elanna said, coldly. She picked up Miral and walked into the bathroom. Janeway took this as her cue to leave, and she left to replicate her fourth cup of coffee of the day.

"Hey, Captain," Tom said, popping up from the couch as she walked by, "Is the coast clear? I need to get in the bedroom to get the top of my dress uniform. I'm sure I'd get quite the tongue lashing for showing up like this," he said, gesturing to his black pants and turtleneck.

"B'Elanna's in the bathroom, so you better hurry," she said. Janeway had long ago stopped pretending that Tom and B'Elanna's little scuffle would blow over quickly. Klingons were not ones to forgive and forget easily.

Tom hopped up from the couch, and headed towards the bedroom, with a minor look of dread on his face. "And Captain?" he said.

"Yes, Tom?"

"You look really nice today. I never thought the female dress uniforms were much, but you have proven me wrong."

Janeway smiled. Had it not been for the little hints Tom had been dropping the whole time she had stayed at the Paris', she would have assumed it was his way of being nice on the day she was to lay her mother to rest.

- - -

"We've come here today to lay to rest a mother, a wife, and a dear friend…"

Janeway's attention wandered as she glanced over the massive crowd that had collected. She had mourned her mother so intensely for the past days that the funeral felt like an after thought. Nearly everyone that had gathered was in Starfleet uniform, but there was an equally large group in civilian clothes.

While she had made no conscious effort, her eyes connected with Chakotay's, half way across the massive room where everyone had collected. Seven was not next to him, and Janeway mentally chastised herself for the small happiness that brought her. He smiled and mouthed "Are you ok?," and she merely smiled in return.

Thanks in part to the domestic battle happening at the Paris', Janeway had not allowed herself to think of the moment shared with Chakotay over lunch. But as she watched him from across the room, she suddenly felt guilty at the way she had overreacted to his forwardness.

She was well aware of his feelings, and while she often fought her own, she knew she was deeply in love with the man that she was now sharing a silent conversation. However, she also knew that her allegiance to her crew outweighed any personal feelings, and she would never do anything to hurt Seven

Seven of Nine was the closest thing to a daughter Janeway had ever had, and her protectiveness of the girl followed suit. Her own feelings aside, she was glad Seven had decided to pursue a romantic relationship with Chakotay.

Admiral Paris interrupted her reverie.

"Kathryn, you are needed up front. It is time for the burial," he said as he placed his hand consolingly on the small of her back.

- - -

The burial was private, including only the closest friends and family. However, after Gretchen Janeway was laid to rest, nearly the entire city of San Francisco showed up for the reception.

After accepting literally hundreds of condolences, Janeway headed for a corner in order to escape all of the external stimulation.

"Captain, may I speak with you?" Seven's robotic voice said from behind, as Janeway searched for somewhere to sit.

"Of course, Seven, how are you? How is your aunt?"

"My experience on Earth has thus far been adequate. My aunt is kind, and Captain, I have become accustomed to the idea of humanity. It is," she paused, as if searching for the proper word, "a pleasurable experience."

Janeway sensed Seven's discomfort, and wondered what the young woman was attempting to say.

"What is it, Seven? Do you have something on your mind?"

"Captain, due to the Doctor's instruction, I have come to understand that the compatibility of mates plays an essential role in the successfulness of a relationship, whether based on friendship, sexual reproduction, or sexual intercourse."

Janeway blushed at Seven's frank analysis.

"I am now coming to understand my individuality. However, Chakotay's individuality is fully developed. This has been causing discontent." Seven paused before adding, "You, Captain, are a more suitable match for the Commander. I wish for you to pursue romantic relations. He desires you."

Completely overwhelmed by the information presented to her over the last five seconds and unsure how to react, Janeway gestured that Seven sit down next to her.

"No thank you, Captain. I wish my decision would not reflect negatively on your view of me as an individual. The Doctor suggested I 'leave you to your thoughts,'" she said.

"The Doctor put you up to this?" Janeway said, seriously concerned for Seven's wellbeing.

"No, Captain. Chakotay and I reached this decision on our own. I wish now to 'leave you to your thoughts,'" she said, walking briskly away before Janeway had a chance to stop her.

The Doctor appeared several seconds later, as if on cue.

"Captain, it appears that Seven has discussed her feelings about the Commander with you? I must say, if every human had that Borg's frankness, there would be so many more hours in the day…"

Janeway cut him off with a look that could kill.

"Doctor, if I find out you had anything to do with this…I'll have your program throw out of an air lock," Janeway said, almost through her teeth.

"Captain, Captain. I understand that this was not an appropriate place for this interaction to take place, but you must admit, it is nice to get permission from the girlfriend for something that has already been happening for seven years," the Doctor said, unaware that he had said too much.

"Doctor, if you say one more word, I'll have your program deactivated."

"Now, Captain. I understand that you are under a lot of stress, but I'm just stating the obvious. Everyone else is aware of it – even the Borg! You just need to admit it to yourself – you love him."

Had the Doctor been made of something other than photons, Janeway would have strangled him right there. However, the person Janeway least wanted to see at the moment caught her eye and began to make his way across the room toward her.

"Captain, I'll leave you and the Commander alone. You can thank me later," the Doctor said, before heading towards Tom and Harry Kim who seemed to be watching the interaction from afar.

"Are you hanging in there?" Chakotay said, as he passed two slightly tipsy Bajorans.

"Well, considering I just talked to Seven and nearly deactivated the Doctor, yes."

"Oh," he said. "I was hoping she would not bring that up here. She still seems to lack certain….tact."

"Well, to be honest Chakotay, it made today a little more bearable," Janeway said, smiling. "But she is right. Now that we've succeeded in the impossible – now that we've left the Delta Quadrant – I guess I owe it to you, Chakotay."

Chakotay nervously swallowed, trying to read as much meaning into her words as possible.

"Does this mean I can get you something to drink?" he said, trying to hold back the excitement in his voice.

She nodded, and he leaned in to kiss her cheek.

Tom Paris immediately appeared, and Janeway realized he had been waiting to make his entrance.

"So…" he said, drawing out the vowel. "I'm not one to pry…"

"Tom, if you say one word," Janeway threatened.

"But this does mean I can finally collect on a seven year old bet from Harry? I'm so glad I decided against wagering replicator rations. But at the time, it had more to do with the fact that it would take all 70 years to get you two…"

"Tom, I'm serious, stop it," she threatened once again, but she was losing her strength as she began to wonder what life with Chakotay would be like.

"So I can't tell…"

"Tom, I'll kill you," she said, but the seriousness was gone.

"Not even Harry? But what if…"

"Tom, please tell me you didn't! My entire family will know in fifteen minutes!"

"Well, what if I make it up to you?"

"Tom, how could you do this to me?" she said, but she gave herself up by smiling.

"No, really, I'll make it up to you. You've been promoted. To admiral. They did it the second we hit the atmosphere. My dad just didn't say anything because of what happened with your mom."

"Really, Tom? You aren't teasing me?"

"Would I ever tease an Admiral?" he said, and reached in to hug her.

Whether it was the excitement over the promotion or over Chakotay, Janeway was not sure, but her stomach dropped as Tom touched her.

"Don't be a stranger, ok?" she said, as he began to walk away.

"What?"

"Stay nearby. No deep space journeys. I can't survive without a little Tom Paris in my life," she said. "Plus, nothing quite beats dominating you on the pool table."

Tom stuck his tongue out and walked away as Tuvok approached.

"Captain, I would like to offer my sincerest condolences about the passing of your mother and would like to congratulate you and the Commander," Tuvok said.

"Oh, no. Not you too, Tuvok."

"It has always amazed me at the speed at which idle gossip travels among this crew. I wish you both the best."

Had Janeway not known better, she could have sworn Tuvok smirked as he walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

**It has been a long time since I've updated this story – but I'm back to finish it now. Here's an angsty chapter in the meanwhile…**

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The vast majority of the crew remained on Earth for some time after Voyager docked. Those who had families elsewhere eventually returned home, but even they returned to visit often with the Voyager crew on Earth.

Unsurprisingly, Kathryn easily adjusted to her role as Admiral, and she relished the chance to work with Owen Paris again. Life with Chakotay was equally comfortable, working as well as lovers as they once did as commanding and first officer.

Janeway had originally objected to them living together, but after Chakotay filled out the necessary Starfleet paperwork and purchased back the Janeway farm in Indiana, she could not refuse. The arrangement worked for them, and Janeway often considering making this a permanent lifestyle.

Tom and B'Elanna were not so lucky. From the moment Voyager hit the atmosphere, they had been at each other's throats. Miral's irritability and irregular sleep schedules did nothing to assist the constant battles waged at the Paris home.

"Tom, I thought you said these living arrangements were only for a few weeks! It has been almost a year! If I don't get away from all this _Starfleet_," she said, through her teeth, "I'm going to kill someone!"

Tom and B'Elanna's living arrangements at Admiral Paris' were a constant theme in the couple's arguments.

"Please, B'Elanna, it has only been five months! I told you we will move as soon as I find a job. Once everything comes together we can pick out a nice neighborhood, with nice schools…" But B'Elanna interrupted him.

"Comes together? Tom, you haven't been "together" once since I've met you – why should I think this is going to change any time soon? If you don't find a job soon, I'm finding a ship. I'm an engineer – that is where I belong. I'm not going to sacrifice my career for my loser husband!"

Tom's face turned red, and it was obvious that he was close to losing his temper.

"I thought we had decided to stay on the planet for a while. It seems ridiculous to leave something that we fought seven years to come home to. Plus, I've talked to Janeway, she's looking into finding me a teaching position where I can teach piloting."

"Janeway…. I should have known…" she scoffed. "I wish you'd just fuck her and get it over with," she said, huffing and walking away.

Tom looked shell-shocked.

"Is that what this is all about?" he asked, raising his voice as he followed her down the hall. "You think I want to sleep with Janeway? Good God, B'Elanna, do you even know me? She's been my captain for seven years, she saved me from prison, and she's saved my life on multiple occasions! That builds a relationship, damn it! But it is not like that, it never has been, and it never will be. There is simply a history that you cannot understand."

"A history, huh? I guess that whole "you're beautiful" stint was just part of a history. I'm done, Tom. You worthless Peta'Q!" she said, storming down the hall, and slamming the door to the bedroom.

Miral's cries could be heard instantly.

Owen Paris stuck his head out of his study, and motioned Tom to come into the room.

"Son," he started, looking unsure about what he was trying to say. "You and B'Elanna have been through a lot lately. Maybe you shouldn't try to pick fights. It is really starting to upset your mother."

"I'm not picking fights," Tom said defensively. "She keeps accusing me of all these ridiculous things. Like trying to sleep with Janeway."

"Oh don't worry Tom, I heard," Owen said, chuckling. "I've heard that one from your mother on multiple occasions myself. Katie Janeway is a fascinating woman, and I think every man knows that. Just be careful, Tom."

"Don't be ridiculous. I think some of those Klingon hormones are getting to your head. Don't worry, we'll be moving out soon. And then you won't have to deal with your problem ridden son anymore," Tom said bluntly, shutting the door as he left.

- - -

When Janeway and Chakotay made love, it was as if they had been doing it their whole lives. It wasn't toe curling or hair raising, but it had a familiarity they both could appreciate. And like the rest of their relationship, it became part of the routine.

Chakotay was a captain now, but he preferred to stay on Earth as much as possible to be close to Janeway. When he did take off planet mission, they were only for a few days, and he always took Harry or Tuvok along for comfort.

Janeway too kept the Voyager crew close by, and she came to expect visits from Naomi Wildman weekly. Sam Wildman, like the majority of the crew, had decided to settle on Earth and take a desk job with Starfleet.

"It is not that I'll never go into space again," Sam explained one afternoon as Naomi, sitting in Janeway's chair, stifled through the paperwork on the Admiral's desk. "In fact, I'm considering taking a place on the next ship Chakotay captains. I just want to have my roots here. I want to be home."

"I completely understand," Janeway responded, chuckling at Naomi's Admiral-like attitude. "In fact, Sam, I believe Chakotay has a three week mission coming up. I'll check to see if the crew is completed. I'm sure Tuvok and Harry have already signed on. And I'm trying to convince Seven to use the mission to fill some of her credits for the Academy."

In the five months since Voyager docked, Janeway had convinced Seven to not only enroll in the Academy, but to quickly be advanced to her final year. Partly due to her Borg background, combined with her long history with Starfleet protocol, Seven was extremely advanced beyond her peers – and the majority of her professors.

"I can't say I'm surprised by how well Seven is doing at the Academy," Sam said.

Janeway chuckled. "In her words, 'Education by inferior instructors is futile. It will result in decreased productivity and increased chance for human error,'" she said, doing her best Borg imitation.

"She'll be running the place like a collective in no time," Sam said, laughing. "I'm glad to learn Seven hasn't lost her touch."

"Indeed. In fact, I'm afraid that by processing all this new information, she's forgotten she's there for discovery purposes and not for the mere assimilation of knowledge," Janeway said, half seriously.

"What about the Doctor and Lieutenant Paris? Have you heard from them lately?" Same asking, changing the subject.

"The last I heard, the Doctor was working with a team of engineers to make an updated EMH based on no other than…"

Sam interrupted. "Let me guess – himself?" The two women burst into laughter.

"And as for Tom," Janeway added, "I am in the process of filling out the final paperwork to promote him to instructor of a new course coving high risk flying. It will only be available for elite cadets interested in deep space or combat missions. Should be right up his alley."

"Oh boy, and to think of all those young girls fawning over him, he'll be absolutely in heaven," Sam said, laughing.

Janeway joined in. "Well, I'm sure with that new baby at home, that's the farthest thing from his mind."

"Yes, I heard she was quite the handful. Takes after B'Elanna in temper unfortunately," Sam said.

"Actually, Sam, I really need to get in contact with Mr. Paris now. However," Janeway said, turning to Naomi, "I'd love you two to join me for lunch next week – you pick the time and I'll put it on my calendar."

- - -

That evening when Owen Paris returned home, he greeted his son with a level of pride Tome was completely unaccustomed to.

"That is really quite something, Tom. We've created a department just for you. You'll be teaching the most advanced and promising cadets. B'Elanna," he said, turning his attention toward her, "Have you heard of Tom's promotion? It was all the talk on campus today," Owen said, beaming.

"Yes I have, Admiral," she responded dryly. "I suppose it pays off to have friends in high places."

"But now, B'Elanna," Tom interjected, not giving his father a chance to respond. "Now we can buy a house, and you can find your job engineering."

"Actually Tom, I've taken a job on Chakotay's ship. I'll be gone three weeks."

"Oh, that's wonderful!," Owen interrupted, attempting to avoid the fight B'Elanna was so obviously seeking.

"They won't let me take Miral with me," she said, ignoring Owen. "So here's your chance to show off those great father skills you think you have. I leave tomorrow night."


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry guys, I know it has been awhile. Big changes on the way….**

* * *

He could smell the synthenol, but whether it was coming from him or her, he did not know. Sure he had been here many times before – the cute girl, the overabundance of alcohol. But then it had been on away missions, or with some crewman on the lower decks.

Never with her. She knew him as well as anyone ever had.

"We can't do this again," he said, climbing off of her and pulling up his pants a little too quickly. "This will ruin everything."

"Shouldn't you at least wait until morning for the remorse to kick in, Chakotay?" she asked, in her normal sarcastic tone. "It was bound to happen eventually. We've known each other too long."

"And that is supposed to make me feel better?" he said, harshly. "Do you even realize what we've done? I love her."

"Not too long ago you were dead set on marrying Seven. You sure have a strange way of showing love," she said.

He continued to dress, but kept the lights off to purposefully lengthen the time before he had to look reality in the face. But of course, she would have nothing of it.

"Computer, lights 50 percent," she said.

As Chakotay looked across to his bed where B'Elanna lay, he felt a knot well up in his chest.

"When did you stop loving Tom?" he asked, turning away from the image now burned into his head.

"I don't think I ever really loved him," she said, almost with a hint of sadness. "I loved the idea of him. We were trapped on a ship in the middle of the Delta Quadrant and he was there." She paused. "And had we never left Voyager, I think I would have stayed happily married to him until the day I died. But getting back to Earth changed something for me – for all of us. And that's why you are here with me and not with Janeway."

"So you think I never really loved her?" he asked, aware that tears were threatening to fall.

"I don't know. But you just made love to me pretty convincingly, so part of you is no longer attracted to her the way you once were."

"Are you leaving Tom?" he asked, unwilling to discuss Janeway further.

"I don't know. He's the father of my child. But I'll tell him, and it might destroy him, but he deserves to know. So does she. But let's not talk about it now, come back to bed."


	6. Chapter 6

**Two chapters in one day! Please review, as it will really keep me going. **

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"Where is my little girl?" she asked playfully, as the small child crawled under her desk. She grabbed Miral by the hips and picked her up, placing her squarely in her lap. "Give your favorite Admiral a kiss," Janeway said, directing her God Daughter to her cheek.

Miral gratefully obliged.

Although she inwardly chastised herself for such thoughts, Janeway couldn't help but notice how much more docile and loving Miral had become in her mother's absence.

"So does that mean I get to plant a kiss on my favorite Admiral too?" Tom said, walking into Janeway's office with his normal flirtatious bravado.

"Certainly, Mr. Paris," she responded in stead. "I'm sure your father would appreciate the display of affection." Janeway winked at Tom to rub the joke in further.

"Touché. Well, has my little girl been well behaved in my absence?" he asked.

"She's an angel," Janeway said. "But I will say I am surprised by how fast she is advancing. She's been scooting around my office all day. With those Klingon genes, she'll be walking in a week."

Over the past three weeks, Janeway had come to think of the little girl as part of her, and as Miral hit milestones, Janeway beamed with pride the way any mother would.

"So Admiral, I have a surprise for you," Tom said, grinning. "You'll never guess who just transferred into my class, halfway through the semester." His smiled widened, and the excitement was evident in his voice. "Apparently the year long intermediate flying class only takes about two weeks for the truly dedicated…"

"Oh, Tom! I think I'll wager a guess. Is she here? I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks!" Janeway beamed with excitement.

Just then, the three were greeted by their former crewman's distinct monotone voice.

"Lieutenant Paris said you requested my presence, Admiral?" Seven of Nine asked, perplexed.

"Oh good God, Seven! That's not what I told you to say!" Tom said, laughing. Seven's absurdity never failed to amuse him.

"Lieutenant Paris said that I should explain that because I had become accustomed to your company while with my Voyager collective, your absence is now uncomfortable," she said, matter-of-factly.

"Or something like that…" Tom added, still laughing.

Janeway leapt from her chair and hugged the former Borg. Seven responded in kind, yet her spine never left its 90 degree position.

"So how have you been? How is your aunt? How is the academy?" Janeway asked, her excitement evident in the rapid fire of her questions.

"My aunt and I are both running near 100% of our capacity. We are…" she paused in her typical manner, "…well. The academy's instruction is sufficient, yet lacks efficiency. They do not work as a simulated hive mind, as on Voyager."

"Well I'm sure your grades are impressive…"

Seven interrupted. "Grades are irrelevant. I value assimilation of knowledge."

Janeway joined Tom in their laughter.

"Where is the Commander?" Seven asked, unexpectedly.

"They should be returning soon," Janeway said. "He, B'Elanna, and some of the old crew took a mission. They've been gone for about three weeks. Chakotay's ship should be docking within the hour."

"Mommy!" Miral screamed, without warning.

"Oh my God, Tom! Did she just…" Janeway said, turning to the little girl.

"She is advancing at a rapid rate for a human child," Seven said, plainly.

"Say it again, Miral, say 'Mommy,'" Tom said, his eyes bright as he tried to coax his daughter.

She only giggled in response.

"Oh, B'Elanna is going to be furious she missed this!" Tom said, picking up his girl and spinning her around. "I should have known the presence of such brilliant ladies would rub off on her!" he said, addressing the Borg and the Admiral, but his eyes never left Janeway's.

Just then, the Admiral's console beeped, and Chakotay's strong voice was heard from the monitor.

"Permission to dock, Admiral," he said.

"Permission granted," Janeway responded, smiling at the sight of him.

"My presence is requested…elsewhere," Seven said awkwardly, before briskly turning and walking out the door.

"Did she just…lie?" Tom said, still smiling at Miral.

"You know, Tom. I think Seven is more human than we ever give her credit for. I think she's really hurting."

* * *

"You seem tired," Janeway said, kissing Chakotay softly as he walked into their house.

"It was a rough three weeks, Kathryn," he said, blandly. "I think I'm just going to go up to bed. Come up whenever you feel like it. I'll probably be asleep already."

He turned and walked up the stairs, without waiting for her reply.

Janeway was slightly taken aback, but blamed his temperament on the trip. She brushed it off and went to replicate dinner for herself.

* * *

As she sat drinking coffee on the couch with PADDs spread across her lap several hours later, she jumped slightly at the sound of the front door chime.

"Computer, who is at the door," she asked, unsure of whom would be stopping by – let alone this late.

"Lieutenant Thomas Paris," the computer responded

"Go figures," she said, under her breath as she rose from the couch. She and Tom had rekindled their old camaraderie of the early days of Voyager in his spouse's absence. She had grown to once again enjoy his playful banter, especially when he brought along Miral.

"Admiral," he said matter-of-factly, "I apologize for disturbing you, but I need to speak with Chakotay immediately."

Tom's attitude immediately sent up red flags for Janeway, who was concerned by the seriousness of his voice. It was very unlike her former pilot.

"Tom, he's upstairs, but…"

She did not get to finish, as Tom bolted past her and up the stairs.

Hesitating to follow, she heard nothing at first, but soon sounds of Tom's raised voice met her ears. Chakotay's followed in stead.

"You son-of-a-bitch," Tom screamed distinctly. As Janeway heard something crash to the floor above her, she ran up the stairs to intervene.

"What the hell is going on here?" Janeway said, as she walked in her bedroom to see Chakotay nursing a bloody lip, just as his fist connected squarely with Tom's jaw.

The force of the blow knocked Tom to the ground, and he turned to Janeway as he lifted himself from the floor.

"Why don't you ask your adulterous pig of a _boyfriend_," he said, emphasizing his disgust in the last word.

Janeway's stomach dropped.

"What is he talking about, Chakotay?" she asked.

"Don't worry about it. We'll talk later, just get him out of here," he said, pointing to Tom as he wiped the gathering blood off of his chin.

"You coward!" Tom yelled. "B'Elanna has bigger balls than you do! The least you can do is explain yourself to Kathryn!"

"To _Kathryn_?" Chakotay said. "I was unaware that you and your superior officer were on a first name basis. You're pathetic, Paris, with your idiotic school boy crush!"

"Fuck you, Chakotay! I'm not the one screwing another man's wife. How could you do that to her?"

"Do that to her?" he repeated. "She was begging me, Paris! Apparently you aren't satisfying her at home," Chakotay said, through his teeth.

"Not B'Elanna, you idiot! Janeway! How could you do that to Janeway?"

Tom swung again, hitting Chakotay in the nose.

"That's it! Get out of here! Both of you! If you want to kill each other, you sure as hell aren't doing it in my house!" Janeway screamed.

Tom retreated immediately.

"I'm sorry, Admiral. I didn't…"

"Get out, Tom," she said, interrupting him. She turned to Chakotay. "And you too. I don't want to see you right now."

Chakotay followed Tom silently down the stairs.


	7. Chapter 7

**Another angsty chapter. Janeway's about to be forced to make a major decision. Please review, it makes me realize there are still people out there reading!**

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She ignored Chakotay's messages for three days until she began to doubt herself. After all, she was trusting the judgment of Tom Paris over that of the man she loved.

_The man she loved_. The thought echoed through her head, and for the first time since she gave in to Chakotay's advances, she stopped to truly reflect upon it. When had her feelings for her first officer changed? Had she loved him from the beginning, the way he always said he did for her? Or had it grown over the years, out of their mutual respect for one another?

Instead of dwelling on it further, she turned to the first of several messages from a Thomas E. Paris.

Tom's face popped up on her console. The message had been sent almost immediately after the lieutenant had showed up on her door step three days ago.

"Captain," – Tom made no attempt to correct himself – "I owe you an apology. Whatever happens between you and Chakotay is none of my business. I had no right to show up at your door step unannounced like some self righteous prick. I know my judgment may not be the best, but I should have known better. I've come to value your friendship immensely, and the thought of anyone – especially him – violating your trust…" He trailed off. "Please talk to me. I'm worried about you."

Janeway was touched by Tom's sincerity, and for a moment, she forgave him for the scene he caused. But as she opened his next message, dated more than twenty four hours later, the smile fell from her face.

This time Tom was not in his office, but rather somewhere dark. So dark in fact that it was obvious he was no longer in the city, as such darkness would be impossible, even in the middle of the night.

"Bonjour, Kathryn," Tom slurred. Part of his face was badly bruised. "I went to visit our good friend Sam…Sandrine." He hiccupped. "Her place is boarded up, and the street is nothing but a few trashy dives and cheap whores. Still good whiskey though. Always beats the fake stuff. I hope lover boy Chakotay has come back to you begging on his hands and knees like the pathetic scum he is. B'Elanna threw me out – socked me in the face too…"

Janeway felt a growing concern in the pit of her stomach. She had caught Tom drunk on the holodeck on more than one occasion, but this was different. Now there was a darkness in his eyes that she had never seen before.

"Funny, eh, Kathryn Janeway? She fucks your boyfriend and I get thrown out," he said throwing up his hands. "Oops, sorry! I guess it's not my place to say such things! I guess miss Holier-Than-Thou Captain oughta write me up for behavior unbecoming of an officer. I bet you'd like to pull another pip off my collar! I bet it felt good. Just like when you're writhing under the filthy body of your first officer –"

Janeway deleted the message before Tom had a chance to continue, but the tears were already stinging her eyes. She then deleted the next three messages from Tom, not needing to hear further drunken babbling or a half-hearted apology.

Janeway had known pain her whole life, and it was at times like these that she felt it would plague her for the rest of it.

It was at times like these that her mind sought darkness, and she reflected upon all the people she failed in her life.

Her mind wandered to Seven, and all the pain she was going through. Janeway had torn her, against her will, from the only home she had ever known. And while Janeway had never doubted the morality behind her decision to disconnect Seven from the Borg, she now wondered if she had done more harm than good. For as a Borg, Seven wouldn't know sadness or loss. She wouldn't know how it feels to have the man she loved taken from her.

_Chakotay._

Janeway loved him, that much she knew. She had known it before New Earth, before he had looked into her eyes and said the words one night over dinner in her quarters. She had tried to explain that her dedication to her crew trumped her feelings for him, that as long as she was his captain, nothing could happen. It was these words that sent him into the arms of another woman, into the arms of Seven of Nine, the woman Janeway loved as a daughter.

Then somehow amidst the fury and confusion that sent them home, Janeway forgot her dedication to her crew. Her mother had died, and for the first time in seven years, she was alone. She had fallen and Chakotay had caught her, and this time, Janeway didn't fight the feelings pulling at her chest as he held her.

Seven understood, she was a rational woman, Janeway had told herself. The first love is always the hardest, but Seven is strong and confident, not one to get caught up in petty human emotions.

But Seven was suffering. Just the way Tom Paris was.

Janeway had lied to herself long enough about _him_. There was something about the devilish younger man that made her long for a Kathryn Janeway that never existed beyond an idea in her head.

Truth, she had known Tuvok longer than them all, but she had heard of the trouble-making Paris boy long before she had even entered the Academy.

Tom affected her more than she would ever admit. His appearance on Voyager's bridge made the day less stressful, and while she was sometimes ashamed of it, she always scheduled her time in the Captain's chair knowing Tom was at the helm, guiding her home.

It was Tom – not Chakotay – that could drag the Captain to the holodeck against cries of protest, where she would then stay for hours on end at her own volition. Only with Tom would she knock back a few too many, carefully stumbling back to her quarters, the feel of Tom's goodnight embrace still hot on her shoulders.

Of course it was never like that with them. Tom never treated Kathryn with the standoffish adoration of most of the crew, but he never crossed those boundaries that cannot be uncrossed. Sure, the age difference was there, but so was the shameless flirting, something that neither party would ever admit, although it was painfully obvious to those around them.

Tom's comment about their shared childhood had still yet to leave the forefront of Janeway's memory. She stopped to reflect on how different her life would have been had Tom made a move those many years ago, when his feelings for the young Janeway were anything but pure. The children of two Admirals – the perfect Starfleet marriage.

Janeway caught herself playing through the what-ifs, and stopped herself.

Instead, she hailed Chakotay.

"Chakotay, we need to talk, come back to the house," she said, emotionless.

"Of course. I'll be there within the hour. And Kathryn," he paused. "I love you."

Janeway ignored the last remark, standing up and making her way to the kitchen. She was going to need coffee to make it through tonight.


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm baaaack, hopefully for good now. Reviews are always helpful!**

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"Come in, Chakotay," Janeway said, ushering her former first officer inside the home they had shared up until a few weeks ago. "Sit down. To say we have a few things to talk about is the understatement of the year."

Janeway was all business.

"Kathryn, I…" he began.

"Chakotay, I'm going to let you tell me what happened between you and B'Elanna, but I swear upon your spirits, if you lie to me…"

"Kathryn, I owe my life to you and I love you more than any man could love a woman. You deserve to know what an idiot I am. I was confused and I was stupid. B'Elanna was telling me about how she wanted to leave Tom – how she would have never fallen in love with him had we not thought we would be trapped on Voyager. I started thinking and we had been drinking…"

"So let me get this straight. You got drunk while the captain of this new ship and new crew and decided that you only loved me because we were going to be trapped on Voyager for 70 years? Chakotay, I'm damned glad I know this now before we did something stupid like got married."

"Kathryn, I _do _love you, and I _do _want to marry you. Nothing would make me happier than to make you my wife, but I don't deserve you. Not after this."

Chakotay cast his eyes downward, watching his feet as he waited for Janeway to respond.

"Chakotay." She stopped, collecting her thoughts. "We had our disagreements while on Voyager, but I never once stopped trusting you. You have betrayed that trust and I'm really not sure…"

Janeway was interrupted by a beep on her computer console.

"Admiral," the voice of Jean-Luc Picard flooded the room. "I'm sorry to bother you at home, but a ship just picked up a trans-warp signature near Taimoor. They think it is Borg. We've contacted Seven of Nine at the Academy but we need to know whether you will captain the ship that goes to investigate. We all know you are the chief expert on the Borg, and if you chose to accept the position, you will need to leave in the next five hours. I apologize for the short notice, but it is a long trip out to the Beta Quadrant."

Janeway broke in before Picard had a chance to continue.

"I'll do it. But I want Tuvok as my first officer," and without skipping a beat, "and Tom Paris at the helm."

She looked over, making eye contact with Chakotay, seeing the hurt there.

"I'll be at headquarters within the hour to receive further instructions. Janeway out."

She close the computer screen, looking over to Chakotay.

"Don't look at me like that. You know it wouldn't be appropriate to bring you. You can stay on the house while I'm gone."

* * *

Less than an hour later, Janeway was standing in Admiral Paris' office alongside Tuvok and Seven. Tom had yet to make an appearance.

"Perhaps we should contact B'Elanna, to see if he's on his way," Admiral Paris suggested.

Janeway had hoped Tom would be able to put their current situation behind him, but the pilot was proving as stubborn as ever.

"Lieutenant Paris' tardiness was common on Voyager," Seven said. "Now he is causing irreparable delay that is putting the Federation at risk if the Borg have indeed appeared in the Beta Quadrant."

"That's quite enough, Seven. We understand the risk. We will wait for Mr. Paris for half an hour, and if he does not show, we'll leave without him," Janeway said, noting the dejected look on the former Borg's face caused by her curtness.

"The Admiral is quite logical in her delay," Tuvok added. "The added efficiency from Mr. Paris' elite piloting skills are well worth a minor delay."

Janeway smiled, glad that Tuvok acknowledged a decision she herself was beginning to doubt.

As if on cue, Admiral Paris' door chimed, and his son walked in.

"Well speak of the devil!" Janeway said, but her sudden adrenaline rush at the sight of her pilot was quickly curbed.

Tom stood at the door, unshaven and without his uniform, looking as if he desperately needed a shower.

Admiral Paris, hoping to get Janeway and her crew to the Beta Quadrant as quickly as possible, intervened.

"Tom, you can replicate a uniform once on board. Kathryn, they are waiting for you four at Jupiter Station. Good luck." He quickly ushered them out of the door, his urgency trumping his disdain for his son's obvious disregard for Starfleet protocol. Tom was Janeway's man through and through, and he would never doubt her decision, no matter how unreasonable.

As the four headed for the transport, Tom leaned in toward his former captain.

"Just so you know, I'm not doing this for you. I just want to send some drones back to Hell where they belong."

As Janeway brushed past him, she could still smell the whiskey on his breath.

* * *

As Janeway stood on the bridge of the Mariner, she could not help but compare her new ship to Voyager. Sure, the Mariner had the newest technology and a sleek design, built for speed and battle maneuvers, but she lacked the comfort and reliability that Voyager's bridge had come to represent.

Janeway took a seat next to Tuvok, smiling at her old friend.

"It is certainly not the same Commander, but she'll do."

"I have always found it illogical the personal relationships humans create with inanimate objects. But I must admit, I am unaccustomed to this ship's design," Tuvok said.

Janeway felt the warp core come to life, and after a quick glance up to Seven at Tactical, she addressed Tom Paris, who was now in uniform, although still unshaven.

"Set our coordinates for Taimoor. Warp 8. We don't have any time to lose, Mr. Paris."

He knew she was giving him the green light.

"Engage."


	9. Chapter 9

Forty eight hours later, the Mariner had picked up the trans warp signature, but had yet to find further evidence of the Borg's presence in the Beta Quadrant. The crew was growing restless.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but I thought you destroyed the Collective when you passed through the conduit to get back to the Alpha Quadrant?" Lieutenant Commander Jeffries, Chief of Security, asked.

"No, Commander. While we certainly dealt them a monumental blow, we knew it was only a matter of time until they got up and running again," Janeway said. "I just did not think it would be this fast. But if there is one thing I learned while on Voyager, it was to never underestimate the Borg."

"The Borg have the ability to adapt in a way no other species can. Without a home planet, it is unlikely they will be destroyed in our lifetime," Seven added.

Jeffries shifted uncomfortably at his station, as he, like much of the crew, was still not entirely comfortable with the idea of having a former drone on board.

"Admiral, I'm picking up something on long range scanners. It looks like a debris field," Paris chimed in.

"On screen, Mr. Paris. We'll see if somebody beat us to the source of the signal," Janeway said.

Tom complied, and a large debris field appeared on screen. Among what appeared to be the remnants of a Romulan Bird of Prey was a large chunk of a Borg cube, flickering ominously.

"Red alert," Janeway said immediately, as the lights of the bridge adjusted to her command. "We'll worry about why the Romulans were here later. Seven, is there any activity on what's left of the cube?"

"There appears to be minimal activity, Admiral. I am not picking up any life signs, but it is possible that a few drones have survived the destruction of the ship."

"Seven, is the cube still pressurized?" Janeway asked.

"Yes, Admiral."

"Jeffries, I need you to get three rifles out of storage. Tuvok, you are in command. Seven and Tom, you're with me," Janeway said.

"Admiral, wouldn't it make more sense to take some of the non-Voyager crew? Most of us have never experienced the Borg first hand," Jeffries asked.

"Commander, do as you are asked. This is not the time for a research mission," Janeway said.

"But Admiral, you're favoritism…"

Tuvok intervened immediately.

"Commander Jeffries, if you do not want to spend the rest of this mission in the brig, I suggest you follow orders," he said.

"That's quite enough. Seven, Tom, I'll meet you in transport."

* * *

"She's probably shacking up with him too," Jeffries said, as he looked past his lunch at Lieutenants Bryan and Hermann from Engineering, who had joined him in the mess hall.

"I'm sure they all slept together after seven years. It is only natural, thinking they were going to be trapped on that ship for forever. …You know, repopulating for the people that got killed off," Lieutenant Bryan said.

The other two laughed.

"I'm sure Janeway got all the men she wanted. I bet she was quite a babe in her day. And guys love a woman in power," Jeffries said. "And I'll admit, it is kind of hot the way she takes command on the bridge. I mean, that Paris guy is practically drooling over her."

"Yeah, what is with that guy? He looks like a drunk…smells like straight synthenol. Heard he has a criminal record too," Hermann said.

"He's a good pilot, that's for sure. But with Janeway's obsession with Starfleet protocol, I think she's just keeping him around because she's banging him," Jeffries said.

"Really? She does not seem like that kind of woman. She's worshiped at the Academy, and by most of Starfleet for that matter. Plus, I thought she was pretty serious with her former first officer?" Hermann asked.

"I do love a good scandal. But a woman's got needs," Bryan added. "He's a lot younger, that Paris guy. Maybe she's using him for sex. Maybe that's why she took him to the cube. A little romantic rendezvous to remind him of the good old days on Voyager."

"You guys are sick. Plus, that Borg chick is the hot one. I hear she wore skin tight jump suits on Voyager. I wish I could have seen that," Hermann said.

"Yeah, you're right," Jeffries said, picking up his tray and heading toward the replicator. "I've got to get back to the bridge before that Vulcan reams me out again."

* * *

Janeway and Seven walked side by side, tricorders in hand, as they scanned the cube for any Borg activity. Tom, slightly improved due to the situation but still pouting, walked behind the women, with his phaser rifle drawn. Although Janeway and Seven were alert but at ease, the cube still gave Tom the creeps.

"Admiral, it appears as if this cube has long lost contact with the Collective," Seven said, scanning a navigation station, before she tried to re-activate it.

"Were the drones able to communicate within this cube?" Janeway asked.

"It is unlikely," Seven responded.

"So are you saying that hundreds of drones were just wandering around aimlessly on this ship, and somehow ended up here?" Tom asked.

"So it appears," Seven said.

Janeway had pushed aside a large pile of debris, finding a severed mechanical arm, but no body. Tom eyes widened in disgust, and Janeway laughed at his ridiculous expression.

"Seven, is there any way to find if there are any surviving drones?"

"Admiral, please don't tell me you are thinking of doing what I think you are," Tom said.

"They are already disconnected from the Collective, Tom. They pose a considerably lesser threat. If we could reintegrate Seven, we could reintegrate these people too. They have already been through the hardest part," she said.

"Only you would be on a humanitarian mission on a partially destroyed Borg cube," Tom said, smiling at his feet.

Seven shifted uncomfortably, unaccustomed to such casual conduct from the Admiral and the Lieutenant.

"Admiral, the drones are still capable of assimilation," Seven said. "However, we may be able to extract information from them as to why they are in the Beta Quadrant and how they and the Bird of Prey were destroyed."

"Can't you get that information from the computer? There were no other warp signatures. Maybe they simply destroyed each other," Tom said.

"That is possible," Seven said. "However, this console is badly damaged, and further extraction will be futile. It would be more efficient to extract information from a drone."

"Seven's right, Tom. I'm picking up faint life signs about 50 yards ahead. Let's check it out, but keep your phasers at the ready," Janeway said.

"Admiral, I just want to point out that it has never ended well when we have gone looking for the Borg," Tom said, making eye contact with her for the first time all day.

Janeway patted Tom on the shoulder.

"They got us home, didn't they?," she said. "Don't worry, Mr. Paris, I've been assimilated before, it is not so bad."

It was the last thing Janeway said before she felt tubules enter her neck.


End file.
